If you could see what I could see....

I look at you.  Often.
I have seen you as a man, a father, a provider... Someone who cares about others, someone who would do what he could to make changes he felt necessary.
... and then I see you now.
I shouldn't be the one wondering what happened.  This is not my fault.  This bitter and cynical man you have become is someone that I cannot relate with yet I cannot seem to let go of.
I want to be your friend.  Your lover. The one who you think of when you need, or want, anything.  I wanna laugh with you.  Cry with you.  Love with you.
I have no idea why I feel this connection. I wish I didn't.  I wish I did not have any feelings as far as you are concerned at all.
Unfortunately, life does not work that way.
I have been over every scenario in my head and I have no idea what it is that I actually want! I could never be with you... even if both of us were in a position to be together, there is no way we would trust each other and there is no way that we could ever coexist together in harmony...
So admitting that I have little to no control over my heart... this leaves me where? Unloading my conscience to burden yours?